alone

alone

I love to spend time alone. Of course I also like to hangout with friends and family, but in time to time I need my own company. I guess for me the need of spending some time alone has grown in a same line as I have grown myself. When I was younger I wanted to spend as much time as possible with my friends, on a hobbies, learning something new and be a rebel against my parents. I thought that for sure I'm going to miss something important if I wasn't available all the time.

This mentality was really strong in me in really long time and it also defined my personality in my working life. It comes with its pros and cons. I suffered quite a lot about it as I felt super outsider when I needed to stay home when I was sick, go to summer vacation or work remotely as I did for a year. I always thought that something is happening and I'm not part of it. It's mentally really hard. In the otherhand I was thinking the same when I was in a company party, working overtime or having a company trip that I'm missing something in my personal life. My friends are having fun and I'm here - even though the 'being here' would've been a lot of fun.

So as said I learned to like my own company a lot only a few years ago. I learned that I don't need to be present in every single event in working life nor personal life. I can take some time for myself and do the things I really like. Read a book, watch a movie, even go to movies or museums just myself. Enjoy lunch alone and listen some good podcast. Still whenever I need company and want to hangout my awesome friends and family is there. I really appreciate every single one of them. It has been quite a ride for them as well to be part of my trip to get to know myself better. 🤗

All the learning in this specific area started in a day I needed to step out from my day job few years ago. When I got my diagnoses and needed to really stop and start to think myself before everyone other. In that same journey I figured out that if I cannot spend time alone with myself how in earth anyone else could spend time with me? It's really tough road to go through but at the same time the price which is standing in the end is the biggest you can get.

What I mean to say is that being alone and lonely is different things. You need to work in different fields to find solution for both things. The common thing is that you mostly need to work inside your own thoughts. Collect that puzzle and find the root cause which has lead you to this situation. And even though you mostly need your own help in this process, don't be scared of asking help to put together your thoughts - I know it can be quite a swamp. Be brave and learn to love yourself (and your own company) cause you deserve it!